I can't remember the last time I had a full night's rest. I think that all these sleepless nights are beginning to make me more irritable and morbid. I feel as if my life has been relagated to nothing more than an existance of slavery to my mom's whims with no room, rhyme or reason to do anything for my own happiness and well-being. Sometimes I find myself contemplating suicide but that doesn't last for too long as the Lord looks down upon such things.

I'm more frustrated with myself than anything. Despite how I may seem on the outside, I am very insecure. Seeing how alone I stand in a sea of couples, partners and other sorts of relationships is so painful. Without being too specific, why must I try so hard to cling onto a dream that will likely never come to be? Trying to sober from such wants is leaving me feeling even more miserable and alone.

Apparently, going to bed at 10:00 PM was not such a good idea. It's about 3:30 AM right now and I'm wide awake. To make matters worse, somebody around here has their fan turned up really high - I've yet to find the source as it's coming from somewhere outside, most likely from someone upstairs.

I know I've complained much about this temporary apartment, but the closer move-in day comes for the new apartment, the more I find myself dreading it. What bothers me most about the new place is its distance from campus. After trying it myself, I found walking is definately out of the question as it takes nearly an hour to get from there to campus. Going by bicycle would cut the trip time in half. But what about rainy days? I suppose in that case I'll have to take the shuttle.

Public transportation - That takes me back. I remember having to take the city bus way back when. Unless you somehow were able to get out of school 5 minutes early, you could forget about taking the first bus home and would have to wait 15-20 minutes for the next one. During a school day, or any other day for that matter, the buses would be jam-packed, kind of like what you'd picture a subway scene to be like. The smells and other passengers on the bus were interesting to say the least.

I'm not sure how they do it, but Togo's makes a damn fine turkey/avocado sandwhich. The amount of avocado that they manage to pack into that sandwhich is almost ungodly. I suddenly have this huge craving for one of those right now. I tried making one over the weekend, but it didn't turn out nearly as nice. I suppose I should just spend the $6 (US) and buy one from those who know sandwhiches best.

I should try to get some rest now, I hate having to sleep during the day.